Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
