JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
