i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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