I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
