You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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