Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
