I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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