did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
