2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
