I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
