The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
