I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
