thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
