genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
