I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
