dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
