Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
