he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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