$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
