My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize