shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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