Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
