I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
