its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
