im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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