you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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