Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So vagazzling was a success
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
