I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
