this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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