if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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