I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
