Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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