i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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