I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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