You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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