omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
