he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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