Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
