yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
