idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
