I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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