HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
