then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
time to smoke my breakfast
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
