Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
