Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
