Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
