Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
