Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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