I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
