I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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