I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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