i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
