she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
