my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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