I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
