Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
