New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
