I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
