were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
