I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dignity is for republicans.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
