for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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