I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
