Jerry, you need to find god
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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