One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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