Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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