she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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