Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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