Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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