thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
only you would photoshop your dick
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
