Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I would fuck him just for his dog
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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